Several Random Thoughts

Max's therapist, A, stayed after to talk to the case workers, supposedly to share some names of foster families she works with that she felt would do well for a temporary placement for Max. However, the more I think about it, the more I think it was really to talk to them about us without us there. Fine. It doesn't really matter at this point. But, I still think that was part of it.

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At today's meeting, A asked about Davan - what she knows and how she's handling it. I said we'd told her what was going on and said she was sad, worried about Max, relieved and all mixed up about it, but doing okay. A said that Davan would need therapy. Now, we've considered this. Anthony and I have talked about doing some family therapy once Max is moved on. We will if we think it's necessary. The kind of odd thing about A telling us this, though, is that Davan and I did a couple of session with her when Davan was having a hard time with the adoption and living with Max. A basically told me that with Davan's verbal skills and willingness to talk to me, she didn't need a therapist. She does a fine job of processing with me.

But now because we've chosen to disrupt with Max, suddenly I'm not a good parent/therapist for Davan anymore? Interesting.

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As long as I'm ranting about A, I'd been thinking for a few months now that we maybe needed to try a different therapist anyway. There is a RAD specialist not far from us and, as we were discussing our options, I told Anthony that we needed to go see this RAD specialist if we were not going to disrupt because I wasn't sure Max was getting what he/we needed from A.

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Our case worker, Barbara, had talked with us before about joining an adoptive support group, which we had been interested in, but being such introverts and the support group not being at all convenient to us, we just never did jump into it. Although, I do belong to an on-line support group for adoption. Now it's two, actually. One for harder kids like Max specifically, including people who've disrupted. I've posted a few times, but mostly lurk. Even so, it's been very helpful and supportive as I go through this.

Today Barbara again suggested that we join the support group or get one on one support from someone in the group to get through the disruption. The funny thing is that I am doing so much better in working through this disruption than I had been doing with just living with him that I don't know that I even need it.

I'd gotten to the point that I felt like I mostly just whined to my friends about Max and how life was going with him. Now, though, even though we're still in process, I talk about it some (we're talking very close friends), but I can find room to listen to them and hear what's going on in their lives. I feel so much healthier, even though this is such a difficult thing. I guess that shows how hard it's been that this feels easy in comparison.

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I've found that now that I know I don't have to keep living with Max, I can feel a lot more sorry for him and a lot more sympathetic to his behaviors. When I thought I was going to have to be his forever Mommy, I hated him and got angered so easily by his behaviors. I think my more sympathetic outlook will make our last days together more tolerable. Too bad I couldn't feel it when I'd have to live with the behaviors forever, but I just couldn't.