I've been doing a lot of thinking about this whole job thing. At first, I was thinking there were lots of ups and only a couple of downs...then I started feeling more iffy...now I'm thinking there are more downs than ups, although one up is big.
Of course we could use some more money. Who couldn't? But, as I mentioned in a post not long ago, life is about choices. Do we want more money? Sure. Do we want to choose more money in exchange for stress? Well, there it gets more complicated.
If I had to work, this would be a really great job. I'd still be at home with Davan. It's part time. It's not very hard. It's more than I'd make at the local coffee shop/book store/whatever.
But that's the thing. I don't have to work. We can can keep making the choice to live more simply. We can keep affirming our values as family time first.
At first I was thinking that maybe having a job would increase my feelings of self worth. But, upon further consideration, that's just not the case. I'm pretty self confident these days already. I feel a lot of pride in my family and our choices in life. And, frankly, this job would be rather tedious for me. Reading scanned in, convoluted documents is not fun. I won't necessarily feel pride about my work.
I feel a little guilty because, frankly, my life is pretty easy these days. Feeling like maybe I shouldn't take this job makes me wonder if I'm just a little lazy. Am I letting Anthony down? I know he's started to think about the joys of extra money.
Davan, regardless of the money, is very anti me taking this job. The interesting thing is that the issue of taking this job or not has raised questions about what I want to do with my life post Davan growing up. As I've pondered that question, the subject of going back to school has arisen. Davan is very supportive of that, even though we'd have to keep even more to a schedule and I'd either be away from her or she'd have to go to class with me. In some ways, it would be more of an impact on her than the job without the side benefit of more money, meaning maybe more Do Jump or the like. Odd. Maybe she's reading my feelings about it.
As far as school goes...well, I'm pretty sure about what I would want to do. It's between two things, really. One is a long standing thought on a good job for myself and the other is fairly new, but a big passion. The first is being a physical therapist (starting, at least, as an assistant, though) and the second is being a nutritionist.
I've considered physical therapy for a very long time, from when I was in college as an alternative to engineering. I regret not opting to go with physical therapy, but I can't change that now, only go forward.
Meanwhile, I'm passionate about healthy food, but what I believe is not necessarily what's taught in college (which I believe is behind the times, honestly), which may prove to be a challenge, not to mention the additional challenge getting a job afterward if few standing centers believe the same as I do. I'd be happy to work with McDougall or Fuhrman...
Anyway, regardless of which I might choose, I'm a little gun shy about spending more money on my education. I've got a whole bachelor's degree that is fairly useless because I don't want to be an engineer. My education cost more than Anthony's (sort of - I had a full tuition scholarship for a year and ITT is actually pretty expensive), and yet, it's Anthony's that has paid off.
If I did decide to go the school route, I could do a class or two a term for a while, then, when Davan was older, do a push to get done. I've thought about it before. Before we tried to adopt, I took a class that was, pretty much, "What do I want to be when I grow up?" The two things to come out of that class were A) start slowly working on an associates for Physical Therapy or B) adopt. Well, you know which way we went.
All this was pretty dormant for a while. There was the adoption and then recovery. Life has been good and I haven't had a lot of reason to consider it again. However, now, with this job situation, here it is again.
Chris, my friend who works for this company, has let me know that they really want someone who's in it for the long term and she'd rather I didn't accept the position is I'm not serious about keeping the job. So.
I'm willing to try it for the two week trail (providing they even offer - I haven't heard a thing) and see how it goes. However, I'm also feeling like it might not be the right way for me.