Lately I've been irritable with Davan. I don't know why, really. Overall, I'm a happy camper. I appreciate my family to no end. I think Davan is a great kid. There are so many things about her that I love and cherish. But. I'm annoyed with her. A lot.
Sometimes how she chews sets me off. Lately (the last half a year or so), there seems to be a lot of whine coming out of her. It's not necessarily the total all out whine, but more saying things with some complaint. Minor injuries (things I wouldn't even label as injuries, really) send her over the edge and give her ammunition for why I don't love her (apparently, I don't drop everything and run over quickly enough every time - yeah, well, I don't drop everything unless it seems to be more than the minor non-injury it usually is). Fake laughing really gets me. Tittering like a fool really, really gets me. Oh, and asking questions she already knows the answers to in a fake little girl voice. Oh, man. That's a biggie. That's probably about the complete list. Short, really. But, frequent.
Sometimes I wonder if she was like this when Max was still here and I just didn't notice over his overwhelming behaviors. I know she wasn't perfect when he was here and some things rubbed me wrong then, too. And yet. It seems worse now.
I wish I knew why I can't seem to overlook that stuff, which, really, is minor compared to all the really great things about her. So, I'm back to, it's just me. I must not be an accommodating person. I guess adoption wasn't the way for us to go. Or did I become like this after Max? Whichever. I'd like to be a better person now. Will that work? Just saying it? I'm guessing not.
I think, sometimes, we just have to admit our kids bug us. We usually don't have any trouble admitting it about spouses (grin) but there's something that seems WRONG if we, as mothers, admit that our kids do things that makes us grind our teeth. But lemme tell ya, N, with four kids of my own, each one of them has something that irritates me. I am also absolutely positive that they could name a few things about me that irritate them as well. (Although I personally find that hard to believe . . . ) That's when we smile, suggest they go read in their rooms for a while and we detox with a book, hot tea and hopefully some chocolate until the world seems a little rosier and our children a little more pleasant.
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