Ambivalent

I'm not really excited about going to DisneyWorld. I wish I were. It's not that I'm anti-Disney, particularly. We've done a lot of Disney-ing in the past. We've been to Disneyland more times than I care to admit. Davan and I went to DisneyWorld once before. Anthony didn't join us because he couldn't get the time off to join us when my parents got a time share there about 5 years back. The three of us went on a Disney cruise for Anthony and my 10 year anniversary. We've been big Disney supporters.

However, I'm not excited about this trip. I can't seem to get pumped up about it. There are reasons. One is that my best friend was going to come, but now she can't. She has medical expenses and appointments that are preventing it. Hopefully everything is fine with her, but she needs to make sure. Not only am I sad that I won't get to see her, but, while I'm mostly feeling like everything is fine, I can't help but worry a bit.

Additionally, I'm feeling a little sad about my Grandpa. It seems to have taken some time to sink in. I'm still doing okay, but there is a bit of a damper on my feelings just now.

Another reason is that we had decided we were done with Disney for a while after our last trip, which was just a year ago. We went to Disneyland for Davan's birthday and part of our Christmas. We were supposed to go again in February before our annual passes expired, but we just felt done after that trip. We'd been a lot. We'd decided we wanted to spend our vacation money and time doing other things now. Davan is older and interested in a lot of different things. Now is our time for some great family vacations like bike trips on the coast or even going to Europe.

So, why, if we were feeling done, are we going again? I think I've addressed this before, but in case I haven't, it's because my cousin was supposed to be getting married. My mom got us plane tickets with frequent flier miles and got us an extra time share because it was for a family wedding. We're just paying for park tickets, a rental car and food. But, guess what? My cousin never planned the wedding. She and her fiance don't always get along and they just never got around to planning the wedding that three aunts, two uncles, a grandmother, a cousin, a cousin-in-law and a second cousin once removed all made arraignments to go to rather than doing the previously scheduled family Christmas. Yeah, I'm feeling a little bitter about that.

But, here's the last reason. I think that, along with going against the grain food-wise, transportation-wise and TV-wise, or at least trying to, it's time to give up the sanitized vacation. It feels too much like watching TV in the evening, rather than reading or playing games or going for walks. I don't mean that the actual day of being there is lazy - au contraire - we will be physically tired at the end of each day. It's just that it's not real. We're not learning to hang glide, scaling mountains, or scuba diving. We're not using our imaginations to pretend to be saving the galaxy, flying on a magic carpet or blasting off into space. We're not traveling to distant countries or going on a real safari.

I'm trying to get pumped up about it. After all, it is our big vacation this year. I do like roller coasters. I've never been to Animal Kingdom and that does seem like it might be cool. I did quite enjoy Epcot the last time I was there. The Magic Kingdom does feel magical at times. It should be fun. I will have fun. I will have fun.