I'm feeling holiday-ish. We've got the Christmas CDs in playing. Our advent calendar is up and going. I've borrowed a Christmas book from Davan to read. Davan picked out Christmas books to read to her preschoolers at the library yesterday. I went back in the evening by myself to pick out Christmas picture books to read for advent activities (I wrap the book, so she gets to open it like a present on the days that's our advent activity).
It's gotten me thinking, though, about last Christmas. We were getting ready for a Disney trip last year at this time, too. We went to Disneyland and visited family in California. Max was living with us. He was in school, which he missed several days of for the trip. Things were by no means easy with him, but last December might well have been about the pinnacle of good times with Max. I hope Christmas is good where he is. I know our Christmas will be much easier and more enjoyable with him elsewhere, but that feels selfish, ya know?
The year before we had yet to meet him on the 3rd. We were getting close to it, though, and it was very exciting. We were finally adding to our family through adoption, something we'd been working on for two years at that point. We wanted so much for it to work. We knew there were going to be challenging times ahead, but we didn't foresee how challenging. We didn't foresee the lack of a bond or any sort of connection. We were full of hope. That dream is gone now.
This isn't last year or the year before, though. This is this year. I love and enjoy my little family. I'm looking forward to snuggling up with Davan on the couch in a few minutes and reading "And Elk Dropped In." We'll be able to read the whole, lengthy picture book and we'll finish feeling more connected. No one will get sent to their room. No one will suffer through trying to snuggle with a porcupine who wants to snuggle, but still can't help the sharp quills. It's this year and I have a lot of fun things to look forward to this holiday season.