Max has a great talent for pushing my buttons. He's lucky to just be in his room right now. It would be much more gratifying if I'd been able to throw him around a little and then send him out in the rain to try the running away plan.
This afternoon:
Max came home from school and I hugged him and welcomed him home. I asked how his day was. "Good, Mommy!" Then he took care of his backpack, shoes and coat, then putzed around in his room for a while. Max came to ask me if I had his snack ready. I was working on it. I showed him that. He sat and waited for his snack.
He started eating his apples and peanut butter, then mentioned that he's sure like some orange juice. Or apple juice. Yes, that's sure what he'd like. I made him some orange juice. He enjoyed it. He finished his snack, then ate the blue raspberry air head that Davan gave him. It had been in her goody bag from the meet and she didn't want it.
He was very jazzed that his tongue was blue and went to admire himself in the bathroom for a while. Then it was time for him to get going with chores. He has flag football practice this evening at 5:30 and we'll be eating dinner before.
I gave him 15 minutes to clean his room, after which, if he'd done a good job, I'd play catch with him with the football for a bit to help him warm up for this evening. He did get done, but hadn't done a good job. I had quite a few things to take care of. No catch. He cried and screamed.
I gave him 10 minutes to sort laundry. He yelled and screamed. He got it done in time. We played catch. I told him that for the unacceptable reaction to being told to do his chore, he would get to practice how to respond correctly by having another chore to do - setting the table. He shrugged - no big deal.
After catch, I told him to do the blue bin (that means get his clothes out for school the next day). He told me, "I've already cleaned my room and done possession patrol." "Yes," I said, "and I'm telling you to do blue bin now." He stands and stares at me. "I'm giving you two minutes, Max." He runs off to do it with high pitched short screams.
He got it done in time and I praised him. Then I told him to set the table. He started shrieking again, but did it. I told him that was also an unacceptable verbal response. I wrote up another chore on the board. It was putting a scoop of food in each of the three cat food dishes we have. He came over to read it, complete with high pitched shrieks in my ear. I wrote another chore down. He continued to yell and started to push on me with his body. I told him he'd have to go to his room for a while for that. He was clutching a water, which I told him to put down. He said, "No way!" I took it away from him and got him going toward his room. He went as far as I put him then turned and glared at me. I said he'd have to stay until I was ready for him to come out because he didn't just go, let him know it would be even longer if he wasn't there by the time I was done counted and started the count down. He went.
I'm feeling calmer now and ready to deal again. But this sucks.
I admire your ability to not just pick him up and toss him in his room (does that make me a bad mom???)
ReplyDeleteI can see he is really working to upset you. What has he said the reason is? What does he think would fix the need to make you mad?
You know, Max and I had a talk about that very thing this evening. I asked him what all the poor behavior choices were about. He said he was trying to make it so we wouldn't like him. Why? Because he's a troublemaker. His word. I said, "Max, that doesn't really make sense. Either you're a troublemaker or you're doing things purposefully to make us not like you."
ReplyDeleteHe said it was both. He was adamant about it.
I said that no matter what, we were going to continue to love him and even like him, but that it's hard to be around him when he is doing things that are so annoying.
He said that it seems like we don't like him. I asked him why it seemed that way. He said, well, when you push me to the floor. I've actually done that before, I'm ashamed to say. I asked him when the last time was that I'd done that. It's been many months. He couldn't remember, so he started talking about when Dad shoved him this weekend. I said, "I'm not talking about Dad. I'm talking about me. I see that you feel like I don't like you if I shove you to the ground. However, you can't even remember when the last time was that happened. When was the last time I hugged you?"
He thought about it, but didn't answer. "Today?" I asked. "Ummm....I think so...."
I helped him to remember just a few of the things I'd done today that were indicators of my love and caring including, but not limited to, hugs, singing together, making him food, saying welcoming words, finger rhymes and so forth.
I told him that added up to so much more than the negative, even today, when he seemed to be really trying to make me mad.
At any rate, he wasn't able to verbalize why he wants us to not like him or what would make him be able to stop trying to make us not like him. Sigh.