Saturday, April 19, 2008

Spring Renewal - Say Something Saturday

Hmmm.....I've been trying to answer the question of what I want to say good-bye to pretty much at least monthly sense Max moved in. Before Max, it was much less often, but still an idea I'd look at fairly frequently.

I would like to let go of my anger and resentment. Yup. What's holding me back? Other than Max? I don't know. It's a really hard thing to do. I try to take deep, cleansing breaths. I get my exercise. I mostly eat right. By mostly, I mean all but one or two meals a week, including snacks. I practice relaxation through doing things I enjoy - stretching, reading, walking. I don't want to be angry, but I am. A lot.

It's awful to blame my anger on another person. After all, as I keep telling Max, no one can make us do or feel anything. We choose how to react to what other people do.

Maybe what I need to let go of and leave behind is Max. But what form would that take?

There's the literal - disrupt the adoption. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's not happening.

There's figurative - let go of my need to control him. Does that mean I let him play video games all the time, scream so it hurts my ear drums, get into my personal space in an aggressive and/or annoying fashion, throw food on the ground, not eat any fruits or veggies, have a room so messy I can't set foot in it, never clean up after himself? I could think of more that he'd do if I let go of my control, but that's enough to give the basic idea.

How else can I let go? I can try to let go of my desire to have a positive relationship and just accept that I either have to put up with the obnoxiousness or be more controlling than I ever wanted to be over another person.

I don't know. I'm stymied. How can I let go of what bothers me about Max without actually letting go of him? I think if I could figure that out, it'd help with the stress, anger and resentment. Let me know if you have the magic pill. I'd like to give it a try.


  1. I have some anger and resentment, but mostly disgust that I'm working on. Sweetie, I don't have an answer.
    I have tried to help others raise their kids and never got a thank you and their kids drove me nuts! My heart goes out to kids like Max. I'm having some of the same problems with my middle child and his is just plain old rebellion. Maybe Max is trying you to see if you will give up on him like the others. Have yall talk about this?
    Good luck! I really hate this is going on in your life and I hope the best for you and yours. My heart really goes out to you, Max and the rest of the family.

  2. I wish I had answers for you.

    I know that before Max came to live with you, 'they' (the experts) told you to pick just the really large behavior issues and ignore the smaller things... but I don't necessarily agree. I think for a child to be civilized (for want of a better word) all the little things need to be stopped, too.

    Allowing a little leeway doesn't mean you have to be a doormat when he's in your face, you know?