Thursday, July 17, 2008

Thinking About Max

I still have to say that I primarily feel relieved that Max isn't here anymore. Whew.

I do, however, wonder about him and hope he's doing well. I'd kind of like to call over to where he's staying and see how he's doing, but I'm not sure it's appropriate. Plus, well, if he's doing badly, what good would it do to know that?

Still, I wonder. Has he found a way to play with the younger kids? Is he doing something other than watching TV all day? Has he convinced L (the foster mom there) that he doesn't eat any fruits or veggies as it seemed like he was working on that first day? Did she get him vanilla soy milk and is he drinking it? Does that family do anything outside of the home that's fun?

I want to know the results of the psychiatric evaluation that was done. They usually don't come out for a while, but when they do, I want to know. Will I? I don't know.

I'll want to know how he's doing with his new foster family in Eugene, too, but I don't know if I'll know that, either. I'll want to know if he's adopted and how that's going.

But. I'm willing to give all that up for not having to be his mom anymore. Really and truly. No question.

Even with the steeling of the panniers yesterday. Even with Anthony being kind of sad. Even with Davan being emotional. Even with all of that, our house is peaceful, while still being active. We're all pretty nice to each other (even though Anthony was kind of mad about the latest in bike stuff theft and I was kind of mad back at him for being mad at me). Every one helps out in accordance with their age, ability and time spent at home, which is all I ever wanted in respect to that. No one is violent. No one is looking to pick fights. No one is running away. No one is threatening to kill me. Everyone is happy to spend time with each other. Plus many other small things, that all add up to a greatly increased quality of life.

The relief is huge. It was a year and a half of living the other way. I'm very lucky to have my family and that we all love each other and get along (most of the time, of course). We'd hoped that we could bring another person into that fold, but it didn't happen. Instead, we were in danger of loosing what we loved about each other. It's the right choice.

But, still, I wonder.

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