Meeting with Barbara

Anthony and I had a debriefing with Barbara this afternoon. She wanted to rehash how we felt about everything, what could have been done differently at what juncture, how we were doing now and if we wanted to give adoption another go.

It was...interesting. Barbara, of course, doesn't really remember things, so it was like it was all new to her, even though we shared very little that was new.

She was very supportive of our efforts and how well we'd done for so long in a difficult situation. She would be willing to work with us again. She felt like we gave her some really good feedback.

We did not get any updated information about Max. She did tell us a little more detail about the first placement, which was just that it didn't last very long because, apparently, his high activity level was just too much for them. She doesn't know, though, if he's settled in another family or has been through more than one more foster family.

She shared with us the results of the testing that was done just as he was moving out. He is a smart kid, but he has a sever discrepancy from his other IQ scores in processing, especially if there is a time pressure. He earned the title RAD. He shows ADHD-type symptoms. He presents as a depressed child. He has sensory issues. None of this surprises me, although I don't think he has ADHD. I believe that it's his emotional issues that are causing the ADHD-type symptoms. Maybe with this evaluation and diagnoses, he'll get the help he needs.

I'm feeling a little sad in the aftermath of this meeting. I'm not sad that we opted to disrupt. I'm so thankful that we made that decision. I can't imagine continuing to try to live with the stress and anguish we were living with. However, I'm sad it didn't all turn out differently. I'm sad that we didn't find a good match. I'm sad that our one foray into adoption turned out to be such a mess. I'm sad that Max had to go through another loss and another setback in his short life. I'm sad that we weren't able to keep our promise that this was forever.

I'm so, so glad that the nightmare of actually living with him is over, though. I don't regret making that choice at all. Even if that makes me a bad person in some peoples' eyes. I'm glad there are people out there who can take on the challenge of a child like Max. I sure hope he finds those people.