I've been thinking about a post all day, but when I sat down to write, did I mention anything about it? No. You'd think that 37 wouldn't be old enough for the brain to start going.
I heard from Barbara (our case worker) today. Max's case worker wanted to know what dentist Max had gone to while living with us. I passed on that information, which I'd included in a couple of different places in stuff I'd sent on about him. Any-who, I also asked how he is doing.
Barbara said she didn't know anything new, just some stuff from the beginning. I said, "Well, I haven't heard that, so I'm interested to hear what you do know."
Well, the news isn't good for poor Max, who is going by his birth name again, but I'll keep calling him Max so as to not give away information that's not mine to give away. He had trouble with the placement and was going to be moved, the last Barbara knew. Now, he might not have been moved or he might have been. Who knows? Well, his case worker, one would hope. Barbara is supposed to ask her for an update. We'll see if that happens.
Barbara also wants to have a debriefing with us. We've set up a time for next Friday. I was a little surprised by this, feeling like we were kind of done there, but if it makes her feel better, that's fine. I know she'd like us to try again. I could maybe be talked into it, maybe, but Anthony is a definite no and so I'm not likely to get talked into it. I go back and forth about if it'd be a good thing for Davan.
If we did opt to try again, I'd definitely go the foster care route. I wouldn't want anyone's hopes pinned on "forever" before we (Anthony and I) knew if that was something we were able to commit to. But, as I say, it's not at all likely to happen. For better or worse.
I hope Max is able to find a place. It's really sad for him to have to keep moving. I do have to say, though, that hearing this news made me feel a little vindicated. Max's case worker had chosen a "very experienced foster family that would really be able to help him process and move forward into another adoptive placement." The foster mom, when she came to pick up Max's belongings gave me a hug and said, "Don't worry about him. He'll be fine. We'll take good care of him."
All-in-all, it made me feel like I was just inadequate. Of course Max would do well someplace else. We just sucked. Apparently not, though.
However, this update does make me feel badly, as well. If we'd kept him, he'd at least not have had to move more. Really, though, I don't think it was in his best interests to stay here, either. I think a group home may really be the right place for him, not a traditional family setting. I just hope they can figure it out and he goes on to be as "healthy" as he can possibly be.
Meanwhile, I know it wasn't healthy for the other three of us to have him here. We are all so much calmer and happier. I, particularly, was under so much stress that I wasn't even myself, really. My step dad said to me just last week, "It's sure nice to have you back again." Yeah. I think so, too.
Poor Max, though. None of it is his fault, either. He was failed. I hope they can salvage something out of his childhood after the mess that's been made of it thus far.